


autumn

by echos



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:33:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4829285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echos/pseuds/echos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A solemn figure catches Sansa's fascination in the early morning hours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. out of sight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allthespiceyoullwant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthespiceyoullwant/gifts).



 

 

It had almost become a ritual. 

  


She wakes up at the crack of dawn, barely noticing the limp body on the other side of the bed. The hardwood floor is freezing to the touch, and as she tiptoes from one room to the next she wonders if this isn’t the seasons changing from the seemingly never ending summer to the more bearable early autumn. Sansa was always in favour of autumn, how the colours changed, how the light drizzle of nightly rain left the air moist and a soft hue still on the horizon. Wrapped up in a warm knitted sweater, making her way out to the balcony a scorching cup of coffee in hand,  she hopes this day won’t be a repeat of the previous. 

The feeling of fire near her fingertips warms her up. The smoke filling her lungs makes her breathe in a most unusual way, as if they can never truly expand without the outside help. Waking her body, making her senses aware of the surroundings, making her look down. Making her noticing the one other person in her apartment building that’s seemingly always there. 

She doesn’t know how it happened, really. Was it when she saw him not long after she had moved in? Was it that horrible evening when she screamed so loud the entire neighbourhood could hear? Or maybe it was when she finally came to terms with how utterly alone she felt. Her husband probably slept with half the population of King’s Landing and she could not even care. Leaving her alone in the days and the evenings was the only blessing he gave her. 

  


It had almost become a ritual.

 

The stranger that lived a floor down and a balcony to the left gave Sansa the chills. She didn’t know if they were bad chills or good, all she knew was that these chills made her feel something she hadn’t felt in quite some time. Whenever she smelt the cigarette smoke seep through her living room windows, her stomach made a strange fluttering. So desperate the fluttering was that all she could do to still it was joining him. 

  
Then there they sat, on their own separate balconies smoking cigarettes looking at the scenery that unfolded itself in the early morning hours. She had to chastise herself. It was a desperate thing to do, really. To always be at his beck and call. He probably didn’t even know she existed, and if he did he would most likely just find her constant presence irritating. Feeling more and more isolated, she went inside and closed the balcony door roughly behind her. Not venturing outside for a week.

  


It had almost become a ritual.

  


The days came and went, her abstinences growing heavier and heavier as she realized just because this man barely acknowledged her, she couldn’t continue acting like a child. He already seemed to have troubles with not one, but two. The sickly kid that came outside once every full moon looked and sounded like a pain, grasping after his mother as soon as she turned an inch away. And the mother wasn’t any better, nagging about every damn thing in the universe. He never said anything. Luckily for her, and him, these two pasty figures barely went outside.   
  
Sansa began checking first to see if she was completely alone before she entered her nicotine heaven.

Why couldn’t he just make any sort of gesture to signalize that he too needed this, whatever it was. That he too ventured outside to their comfortable, lonely haven, to be with her, to be alone. To leave everything behind for just a few minutes. Why couldn’t he meet her at the elevators, why couldn’t he show up randomly by the mailboxes, why couldn’t anything happen? She became more and more desperate for something, anything. Hearing his sigh would be enough. He was her rock, her solid place, her confession and her her sin. He had become her everything in the weeks that went by, and he didn’t even know.   


 

It had almost become a ritual.

 

One morning, in late October, he finally looked up, seemingly disinterested, but Sansa felt him. She felt his stare, asking so many question yet answering none. The heat that crawled up her cheeks, her tell-tale sign, got more and more intense by the second. She was lost in his looks, his somber eyes. Noticing his dark hair and the silver at his temples, his smooth chin. His lips barely moved when he blew the smoke away, a tiny smile playing on them not soon after, his trimmed mustache giving it away. 

  
She thought she would pass out. Feeling caught and getting too worked up, too fast, she threw her stump in the ashtray and walked briskly away. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, like a never-ending drum, her pulse sickening her. Why the hell did she walk away? All she could do was gasp before she ran! Comforting herself she decided she’d try again the next time she saw him in the morning. Maybe he’d even acknowledge her, hopefully she wouldn’t be so timid then.

 

It had almost become a ritual…

 

  
  
and then he was gone. 

 

 


	2. so far

 

Sansa couldn’t take it. 

 

This feeling of constant self-pity was swallowing her whole, consuming her like a beast never stilling its thirst. She had to get away, only for a little while, only so she could try to think clearly, to comprehend what was happening and what was going on in her own mind.  It had went on for too long already, the thoughts and her moods never seemed to change. She hardly felt anything remotely close to content, and the only thing that kept her sane through the days were those daily encounters with her stranger. Her very own stranger, how stupid of her to think of him like that. As if she possessed him, as if she even knew who he was. Now he had left her anyway, vanished completely into thin air. It was as if those months never happened. Those serene mornings had probably just been an illusion to her from the very first day. 

 

After he left she quit smoking all together. Not wanting to expose herself to the memories, to the ridiculous hope she felt. The gut wrenching hope that everything would someday, somehow, be alright again. That someone would see her for who she was, that someone would accept her, flaws and all. 

 

The pile of shit just kept growing, the list of things against her never stopped. Her marriage was a farce, how she ended up in it she couldn’t even remember. Thoughts of what she at the time believed to be her very first love sickened her. She wanted to yell, scream her heart out as she had done so many times already, but it had lost its effect. She wanted to blame someone other than herself, as she had since her wedding and years before that. She wanted to blame him most of all, but she couldn’t.

 

 

-

 

 

North of King’s Landing, along the coast close to Duskendale, there was a beautiful area of cliffs and rough, gravel beaches that went on for miles. With huge rocks randomly scattered around, they would be nice places to relax out of sight from anyone who might venture by. By no means was it a comfortable place for a day trip if she had a family and children to bring. To play in the ocean, making castles in the non-existing sand… But it was a serene place none the less. A just place. A place where she could always manage to keep her thoughts under control, to contemplate, to search deep within and find something close to peace, if only for a short period of time. 

 

Bothering renting one of the many cottages that was located around hadn’t been a priority, however beautiful they were. There was a flicker of resignation as she stepped out of her car. Sansa hoped that no one would be there. She couldn’t see any other vehicles or register any form for life, a good sign. Breathing in the salty air, the need to be completely alone overtook her. 

 

Walking along the beach, flicking stones into the sea, she watched the mighty ocean swallowing them in an instant. All it took was dive in head first, maybe put one of the heavier stones in her pockets for good measure. No one would miss her, of that fact she was sure. Maybe her half-brother Jon, but the rest of them were long gone. Her imbecile husband didn’t register her presence anymore. Even the doorman at her building had stopped greeting her. Sighing, she sat down. Not caring if she might be too close to the angry waves and that she didn’t have any shelter if the rain came pouring down. It looked like her sensible nature had forgotten about her as well.

 

 

-

 

 

After what seemed like hours of complete stillness, she felt something cold on her cheeks. Not just from the chilly wind, but a new sensation entirely. It was almost as if it irritated her skin, like a veil shielding herself from the rest of the world. Raising her hand, feeling them, she realized she had been crying.

 

Suddenly the emptiness she felt was gone, a peer pressure taking its place. Something angry forced its way around her heart and lungs, like a constriction of sorts. She felt her eyes prickle, her bottom lip quivering and before she knew it she was screaming her heart out. Gut wrenching, whimpering noises lost in the wind. Sansa had never felt more exhausted in her life. It was as if all the pain she had ever nurtured inside of her own body, like a mother nurturing its child, abruptly decided to leave her too.

 

The exhaustion hit her. She could barely keep her eyes open any longer. Her eyes burned, her throat was dry. Closing them, she lay down on the uncomfortable ground using her hands as a pillow. All she needed was to rest for a bit, just a little bit. The pain and the suffering would all vanish if she could just sleep... Drifting away all she heard was the waves hitting shore and the wind whispering through the trees.  


End file.
